The Escapists Review

Day 1

Dear Pen Pal,

Today was my first day at Center Perks. My cell has a bed, toilet, a desk for my stuff, and even a TV with cable! The other guys seem pretty cool. I thought I would make some friends by doing a few favors for people. Two guys wanted me to beat up someone named Terrell so I figured, you know, two birds with one stone right!? After morning roll call I saw Terrell in a secluded hallway and beat him down. That’s what the movies always say to do right? Show everyone what you’re made of on the first day? Well the other two guys really like me now and Terrell was sent to the infirmary. This place might not be so bad after all!

– Best Wishes, Alfie

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Day 2

Dear Pen Pal,

Today was my second day of work. I work in the Laundry Room and I have to take the dirty clothes to the washing machine and then put the clean clothes in a hamper. It doesn’t take long to hit my quota and it also pays decently well. At lunch time I saw Terrell again. Apparently he didn’t like me beating him up and he started fighting me while I was eating my “not-chicken”. I ended up winning and he was sent to the infirmary again. I had a visitor today! That was pretty cool. I don’t remember any of my friends being a clown though… He told me he was going “underground” because his grandpa recently died. He’s also apparently emigrating… so that’s cool I guess. Did I mention all the inmates have to shower together? Not only that, but there are guards in there with us. I don’t like it.

– Best Wishes, Alfie

Day 3

Dear Pen Pal,

I’ve been getting pretty bored lately so I figured, why not improve myself with all this time on my hands? There is a nice exercise room where I was able to bench press to increase my strength and run on a treadmill to increase my speed. I was even able to find a laptop to look at some cat pics. I don’t know why, but it seems to be increasing my intelligence… Terrell came into the computer room just as I was leaving. Seriously, fuck that guy. What, just because I beat him up a few days ago now we have to fight every time we see each other?? He’s been starting fights at roll call, breakfast, lunch, dinner, free time, every time we see each other he wants to fight! I might need to give this guy a cookie or something to get him off my back. Fuck you Terrell.

– Sincerely, Alfie

TheEscapists (1)
Day 4

Dear Pen Pal,

You know, this guy Terrell is really starting to piss me off. Not only is he starting fights every time we see each other, but he didn’t even accept my cookie! I gave it to him, and he just threw it back at me and said “LOL”. LOL!? Fuck you Terrell.

– Alfie

Day 5

Dear Pen Pal,

So I’ve decided my 5 year sentence is way too long. I need to get out of this place ASAP! I heard some guys talking about previous escape attempts and I think I’m going to give it a shot. I’m smarting than these other chumps right? I can do this! Wait. Do the guards read these letters? Shit. Um… Just kidding buddy! That was from Shawshank Redemption. I was watching it on my sweet TV in my cell. No one would ever really dig a hole in their wall and cover it up with a poster! Such a silly movie…

– Alfie

Day 14

Dear Pen Pal,

Sorry for not writing to you for so long. I’ve been really busy… um… watching movies. These prison escape movies are so crazy. This one guy, named… Alfred… was trying to cut the vent in his room with stolen knives from the kitchen. He even made a plastic vent cover by combining toilet paper and glue! That’s so ridiculous. Not only that, he was also digging a tunnel in his cell and hiding it under his desk. He actually got pretty far but then he realized the tunnel was getting too long and it need support beams if it were to go any further. But he couldn’t figure out how to make those. Silly Alfred…

– Best, Alfie

Day 17

Dear Pen Pal,

I made it! I finally escaped! The funny thing is that it didn’t even go as planned. Remember that story about Alfred is was telling you about? Well that was actually me! Genius huh? I was working on the hole and the vent during my spare time and one day I accidentally knocked out a guard. Well you see, I was fighting Terrell (fuck that guy) and this guard walked right past us. And you remember how I told you I was working out also? Well I’m pretty darn strong now and the guard got knocked out with one punch… So then the prison went into lock-down and something told me the gates were open… I happened to have a guards outfit on me from the Laundry job so I threw it on and walked out the front door! Unfortunately I’m writing you this from the courthouse. They caught me on my way out and are now sending me to some place called Stalag Flucht. It’s supposed to be a prison for escapees. I’ve heard that there are four other prisons that are even harder than that one too! So I guess I’ve learned my lesson… or did I? I’ve watched all four seasons of Prison Break, these coppers can’t hold me!

– Your friend, Alfie

+ Rewarding Difficulty
+ Lengthy despite the low number of prisons
+ Customizable Inmate/Guards (names, sprite, etc.)
+ Crafting System
– Inability to frame other inmates
– Automatic detection after SWAT gets called
– Automatic detection after looting an unconscious guard

Score: 8/10

What I Played: 16 hours successfully escaping the first two prisons and unlocking 7/16 achievements on the Xbox One.

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